Note the clothes strewn on the floor. Note the window shade pulled down on the bed. And that's not some Martha Stewart like fancy wall treatment, that's baby powder.
Note the open drawers. They used to be full of clothes (I believe the clothes on the floor in the above picture). Note how Baby evenly spread the powder on top of the dresser (boy got skills).
Note the abstract art on the walls. Yes, you guessed it, Baby got up on top of the dresser to spread powder on the walls.
Be sure to check out the piratey happenings at Smith's Castle this weekend. The activities are Saturday and Sunday from noon to 4:00 pm. The rest of the time, the guys just shoot things.
Last weekend, Bo Hunkmeister and I went to a regional home schooling conference. I decided to have some fun with the stereo-type that all of us home schooling mommies run around in denim jumpers. So I wore my pleather pants. FYI - pleather is leather for those of us on a budget.
So here's a picture of me at the conference. I'm posing with my fellow attendee and Home Schooling Mom Extraordinaire Maria (holla back girl!). The reason I have the conference brochure in front of me is for proof that I was IN the conference and not just taking a picture at some random gathering. It was a bit difficult finding a shirt that made sense with the pants but didn't make me look tarty. I was willing to go up against some stereotypes however I didn't want to give those wonderful Mennonite folks a reason to pray too fervently. While hard to see, I had some lovely earrings to go with the outfit courtesy of Mrs. Fusspants. I'd like to say it was a coincidence that I won them just before the conference but I don't believe in coincidences. Is it blasphemous to think God condoned me wearing pleather? Of course what tied the whole thing together was the shoes. (You rock, Joy!)
Do I look lovely or what? Not only do they look beautiful but they will go with the leather pants I was going to wear to the homeschooling conference in 2 weeks. All I need are some shoes. Any suggestions? They must be comfortable to walk around ALL DAY in. Don't suggest high heels of any sort because, after five kids, I'm done being a fashion victim. If you want a pair of equally fashionable earrings go here. 
1. A nursing cover. You say you're modest now but all modesty will leave after your labor experience. Modesty is a luxury for men and single women who don't go to their doctors regularly, and nosey people should mind their own business!
2. Shopping cart seat covers. Once you see your kid eat cheerios off the floor, you'll realize this was in vain. Besides, it's one more thing to wash when you get home.
3. Baby bath tub. The little nubber will sit calmly in this for about a week and then realize that splashing is lots of fun. You'll be left with an even bigger mess than before.
4. Gi-huge-ic plastic diaper bags in pastel colors with cartoon characters. You do want your husband to change the baby while you're both out, yes? Get something that won't emasculate him on the way to the changing area.
5. Baby bath towels with the hoods. It is unlikely a baby will get pneumonia in the five minutes between getting out of the bath and getting into their fleece jammies. Your own lovely bath towels work just fine.
6. Small bibs. What delusional human being thought that babies would limit their meal time mess to a 6"x6" area on their chests? You want these from IKEA. The only thing missing is a hood.
1. Telekinetic powers or the Honda Asimo robot. Without fail, as soon as you sit down to nurse, the phone or door bell will ring, you'll get a runny nose, and/or be insanely thirsty and you will have nothing to help you. While Asimo is cool, I think the telekinetic powers might be cheaper.So there you have it folks. You seasoned moms, if you have a minute to spare (Bwah, ha, ha!!) what are your suggestions?
2. Mini Van. The ability to buckle in Precious without your tush hanging out in the rain is priceless. If you think you won't look cool in a mini van, just slap some flames on the hood and you'll be the envy of the neighbors. No really, just ask ours.
3. A stroller that closes up in one try. This saves on having to un-teach the kids all those swear words which they will gladly repeat in front of your mom.
4. A multi surface steam cleaner and a case of Clorox sanitizing wipes. Potty training? Stomach bug? Need I say more?
5. A shot gun. Its 6:00 am. You've just gotten Junior back to sleep after two hours of crying (yours and his) and you collapse into your bed. Then a car alarm goes off or someone honks for his morning coworker. You'll definitely want a shot gun and I know any cop with kids will understand.
6. A gift certificate to Old Navy. This is for mom to buy twelve of those stylish, yet eminently washable tops. I've gone through four shirts in a day with a burpy baby, and that's with trying to ignore the small stains.
A good friend of mine in college graduated with Debbie Gibson, so we got to commiserate from time to time. Also in college, I mentioned that I had gone to school with her, and two women in the room asked me where, and when I said Harborfields, they asked if I knew Rachel Fenderson (they had played basketball with her)... Someone who was in a show with me found out about my connection, and the very next thing he said was, "So, was she a bitch in high school?" (This guy once had Jim Breuer walk all over his laundry, which he had dropped on the sidewalk, and he then proceeded to tell him off, adding, "and you sucked when you were on SNL!" - much to the amusement of the female SNL costar walking with him.).Well, that's all for now.
But you should all check out this past week's episode from the NPR show "Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me":
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=35&prgDate=03-29-2008&view=storyviewand click on the "Listen to show" link at the top. If you don't want to listen to the full show, just fast forward to the Bluff the Listener segment (about 11-12 minutes in). I think you'll like it. --Dennis(Listen to the NPR bit and then you can be in the know about the following)Here is a fierce grizzly bear in the wild.
Studies have shown that soft soothing music can turn even the wildest beast docile.A little "Vision of Love" has turned our fierce bear into a more loving, peaceful member of the planet
In 1992 (pre-boob job [I'm talking about Mariah, not me]), I was student-teaching in the Boston Public Schools. There was a 16-year-old student in choir who was smart yet annoying (I heard every day about her "hanging out" with the guys from New Kids...yeah, I wouldn't have bragged about it either). Anyhoo, she was a huge Mariah fan.One day she came into class & excitedly showed me her latest purchase, a Mariah songbook. She was going to learn every last one of those songs on the piano. The next day, she called me over to the piano - "Miss! Miss!" (They never used names, only "Miss" or "Mr.".) She played the first 4 bars of the first song. Then she played the first 4 bars of the next song. After a few songs, she said, "Oh, my God! They all sound the same!" It was a very gratifying moment. --Zoe(In all fairness Zoe, even Mozart sounds a little repetitive sometimes....)
Dissolve 1/2 cup kosher salt and 1/2 cup sugar in 4 cups of water in a non-reactive bowl. This amount is good for 1 pound of chicken.
There were some teenagers who lived across the street from me and they were at my house discussing their favorite singers. I'd had previously shown them my year book with dear M's picture (earnin' me some street cred). One of the girls then said to me,"My friend thinks Mariah is in her 30's but I told her no, Mariah's got to be older because Ms. Kerr went to school with her and Ms. Kerr is really old." --that's my story
My Mariah moment happens every so often at work. Someone will talk about the versatility of her voice or how she can be poppy, bluesy or torch in her style of singing that she must have been a real star in her high school chorus - I happily tell them that we are on the same page in the year book and that she was actually not in choir, but I was. My friend Hector's reaction was this "She got fame, fortune and all the body money can buy and you, well you got us." 'Nuf said. --Lisa(remember Lisa, no amount of fame or fortune can buy you talented snarky friends)
I help coach two softball teams. One of the girls on the older team loves to sing. When she is out of school she is going to try for American Idol. My husband, Jorge, said that I knew Mariah, she screamed so loud it was crazy. She wouldn't believe it. I told her I went to school with Mariah and when we were younger she lived down the road from me. She screamed again asked if I saw her any more and then proceeded to call her best friend on the cell phone who also screamed. It was hilarious to see the way she acted.--Karin(you should have run with it, "Yeah, M and I had coffee the other day.
She said fans who scream loudly make her nauseous.")
One of my college friends used to point me out at parties and say "See that guy--he did Mariah Carey". Of course, then they would actually look a little bit closer at me and no one ever believed him.--John(you're a quality guy for not being crude about it.)
As a teacher of high school students I have occasionally played the "Mariah Card" but usually only after a student brings her up. They never believe me and I misplaced my yearbook sometime in the 90's but I still have the impressive middle school yearbook with a young Mariah picture for verification. Oh, and my little sister went to her concert at the Middle school.--Erika
My best story is, after hearing her on the radio for a few months after her first single hit, my sister Betsy called me and said "didn't this girl used to play at our house?" And it is sad, but true. --Brenda(did you teach her to bake, too?)
My Mariah moment was in 1991-2 after I decided to travel the world to see new and different cultures, get away from the crass Americans, etc., etc., and in my first stop outside the U.S., - Hyvinkka, Finland, I think - I walked into the house past my host brother's room, and there was a HUGE poster of Mariah on the wall. So much for getting away from it all...--Christine
My memorable story is all about the response. I was living in St. Louis, Misery (alt. spelling Missouri) for several years and was talking with a friend I had met out there. We had been friends for a couple of years before the Mariah topic somehow came up one night. When I mentioned that I had gone to high school with Mariah he started with the typical response, "Really?", but quickly followed it with a much cooler response, "Do you know Sheila Egan?"
Turns out my friend had dated Sheila for a while in college. Not only was Sheila in our class, but she and I grew up across the street from each other. So really this is more of a small world story than a Mariah story. --Ken
*It will go through my house every night and pick up the 2,000 or so socks that my five kids leave here and yond.
*The Sock-a-Nator will be able to tell 1. which socks were truly worn and 2. which were carried downstairs with the intent of being worn but then carelessly left on the floor. The Sock-a-Nator will then administer a sound thrashing to the owners of the second category.
*The Sock-a-Nator will wash the socks, match them up and put them in the appropriate drawer.
*Upon hearing the cry, "Moooommm!!!, I don't have any socks!" the Sock-a-Nator will automatically redirect the child to their sock drawer or their laundry that needs to be put in the washing machine. The Sock-a-Nator will also give Mom a quick back rub lest she explodes from hearing "Moooommm!!!, I (fill in the blank)!!" for the umpteenth time that day.
*The Sock-a-Nator will find a true and noble use for the orphaned single socks so Mom doesn't feel guilty about throwing away single socks.
*The Sock-a-Nator will, once per quarter, buy stock in Hanes to recoup money spent on buying socks for a large family. The dividends from said stock (which will rise exponentially because my kids won't stop growing like I've asked them to) will go into a high yield money market account from which Mom will buy stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood so Mom can once again feel like a sexy woman and not the Manic Sock Nazi.
1. I have a love/hate relationship with the New York Times Book Review. I love it because its like reading five books in the space of a half an hour. I hate it because I end up adding six more books to my list of books to read.
2. I actually get irritated that my favorite authors are still writing because that means more books for my list.
3. I have to take a rolling suitcase to the library to take home all the stuff I borrow. The librarian actually called me personally at home once to let me know that library was going to be closed for a holiday.
4. I can't listen to NPR without adding two more books to the list.
5. About 95% of what I say to my ever patient husband begins with "You know I read somewhere that..." He actually can't recall if he's read a book or if I read it and talked his ear off about it.
6. I don't read much fiction at all because it takes time away from other categories of reading like, oh say, "The History of the AK-47" or "Economics for the Common Man" or the story behind the Cocoa Nut Grove disaster.
7. I once considered hiring a babysitter when six books I ordered arrived all at once in the mail.
8. I will read the note or bibliography section in a book to find more books to read. I've gotten to the point where I'm recognizing a lot of the stuff I've already read.
9. This is perhaps the most tell tale sign of all. I avoid going into Barnes & Noble or Borders because I end up fantasizing about having a open end charge card and going nuts in the store ("Stop complaining honey! Just empty out the U-Haul at home and bring it back for the second load!!")
Researchers at Queens' University in Belfast, Northern Ireland, discovered that girl babies move their mouths more than boy babies even before birth. Ultrasounds performed on pregnant women showed that twenty weeks into gestation, girls made about 30 percent more mouth movements per hour than boys.
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