Go Read This. Now.

I just finished reading this at my breakfast table. I was crying by the end (ok, so being pregnant might have something to do with it).

This Was Amusing

I got this idea from Lori's blog (btw, lovely to meet you and your kiddies). Lori's was quite funny so I thought I give my name a try. The deal is you type your name followed by "needs" into the Google search box.

1. Dawn needs a guitarist - No thanks, dated one, so glad I married someone who doesn't play guitar.

2. Dawn needs a miracle - Already got one growing, but if I may be so bold as to ask for another in the form of four wheeled transportation?

3. Dawn needs a tripod - uhmm...

4. Dawn needs a reality check - bwahahahaha! My reality is fine. You should try it!

5. Dawn needs to fly - That would make getting errands done easier

6. Dawn needs to get over herself - Google, you sure know how to hurt a gal....

7. Dawn needs a big glass jar to grow her own "brain in the vat." - Ok, weird.

8. Dawn needs a history lesson - Ooo! Another book recommendation!

9. Dawn needs training - Hey! That's not fair! I'm house broken!

10. Dawn needs a latte - Well, that was not really on Google, but since we were talking about my needs....

You're next!

And the Fodder Continues...

This is from the Silly Question Department:
The other day my friend "Laverne" (names have been changed to protect the silly) relayed a conversation she had with a mutual acquaintance, "Shirley." Shirley had called Laverne and asked if we were expecting again. Laverne said yes. Then Shirley asked, "Are they happy about it?"

Now that question struck me as kind of odd. First of all, why wouldn't we be happy? I'm not an unmarried teenager. I've been married 17 years and have five kids. If I'm already travlin' the big family road, why would one more be an unpleasant event? Secondly, even if I were unhappy, would I tell you? What good would it do? What would you say in response?

I think questions like this come from a society that has so divorced sex from pregnancy, that we're utterly surprised when pregnancy happens without our foreknowledge. Here's a little secret I've learned. No matter what form of birth control you use, outside of a hysterectomy, any sexual intercourse has the possibility of pregnancy. Seriously. I've known couples that, even after the husband had a vasectomy, were buying a pregnancy test.

In all honesty, we will have to get a bigger car and that has kind of bummed me out a bit (if you'd like to make a donations, make your checks out to "A New Flamin' Van for the Domestic Goddess"). But, like what I once read in a Randy Alcorn book, one person's difficulties should not diminish the value of another person's life. Basically, this pregnancy should not be any less a joyful occasion than the first child, who didn't require a new car purchase. So the long answer to Shirley's question is, yes, I am happy to be receiving a blessing and it would be great if you could be happy along with me.

A New Name!

As I said in a previous post, we thought we'd call this baby TBA. However, on Friday I had an ultrasound and the technician said, "See that gummi bear there? That's the baby."



I went home and relayed this conversation to the Bo Hunkmeister and then said how tired I was. Bo responds, "Gummi Bear kickin' your butt, eh?" And voila! A new name! And it works so well! As in:

Gummi wants ice cream.
Gummi says I need to lie down
Gummi Bear is making me eat this
Obey the Gummi

Great, eh?

A Special Gift

So we tell the kids on Sunday that it was our anniversary and immediately they want us to drive them to the Dollar Store so they can get us a gift. Not wanting any more ceramic surfing dolphins, I tell them that it's quite unnecessary to get us a gift. However, Princess Git Er Done can't help herself and leaves us this note on our night stand:



Who am I to argue with the Seventeen Years of Marriage Fairy? I'm goin' back to bed!

Romantic Dinner

Today is our anniversary.

The Bo Hunkmeister and I have been in wedded bliss for 17 years.

Normally, we'd go to one of many renown Providence restaurants: Gracie's, Mill's Tavern, Spain. Truly romantic fine dining experiences.

Tonight, I have a special request of Bo. I want to go the the A&W drive in in Smithfield and get a chili cheese dog with onion rings and a root beer float.

Can you tell I'm pregnant?

My First Midwife Visit

I knew being pregnant would provide lots of blog fodder.

I am expecting our sixth child. I mention this (again) to help the reality sink in for me so that you, gentle reader, will understand when I say I have experience peeing into small cups. Quick mental math (pregnant woman doing quick mental math-bwahhahaha!!) makes it 65 times, minimum, that I have hit the target. That's not including those pregnancy test sticks either.

Why am I blogging about this? Because like senior citizens, we pregnant ladies have the hormonal need to share our body functions. Mostly to mourn that our bodies are no longer under our control. If you're grossed out by any of this or think that this is more than you need to know about me, go here now.

Anyway, here I am at my first midwife visit with said familiar cup in hand. Walking into a bathroom with my hands full yet needing to turn on the light, my first thought is to hold the cup in my mouth to free up one hand. My second thought is that the nurse would probably get sick at the sight of lip marks on a urine sample cup.

So here I am aiming and doing my thing. But I need to know if I'm filling it up properly. Is there enough of a sample? Should I do more? And...oh man, I drop the cup! What do I do? Reach in and get the cup? But there's now nothing in it. And with my drawers around my ankles, can I reach the stack of new cups without making a mess? Do I have it in me to give another sample? Arrrrggghhh!

All this aggravation so the nurse could perform pregnancy test. WHAT?!? I've got two sticks at home I could have showed you!

Can't wait to see what fun the next visit has in store for me.

Exciting News

Well, in case you haven't heard the news yet, the Domestic Goddess is in the family way, she has a bun in the oven, she is with child, all these euphemisms to say I am pregnant.

Again.

While not exactly planned, we're not surprised either. And we're happy. After all, if God rolls up in the 'hood with a tricked out Lincoln Navigator just for you, you're not going to tell him that now is really not a good time. Well, maybe with the gas prices being what they are...exchange the Navigator with a trip to Hawaii and you'll get my point.

One cool thing about being pregnant is the potential blog fodder. Why I could post at least week's worth of material on people's comments to me alone. Just the other day, I had a woman ask me, "Do you know what causes that?" Being hormonal, I answered, "Sex or water and I'm not willing to give up either." Mind you, this was to an elder of my church at a Christian woman's conference. Do you think God is in heaven, covering his eyes and slowly shaking his head? Yeah, I think so too.

Anyway, as usual with the blog, I was trying to think of a nickname for Number #6 (which itself seems a little cold) when I was inspired. You can blame the Mother In Law for this one. Bo Hunkmeister sent his mom a birthday card saying "with love from G, H, W, H, J and TBA." The Mother In Law writes back, "Congrats! PS. No family humor on this one. You cannot name him/her TBA. Promise???" Ooo, I can't resist! TBA! So until we can think of a better name than Thomasina Bernice Angelica or Titus Benedictus Alfonso, we'll just refer to our little blessing as TBA.

Hey! I just thought of something! TBA-The Blessing Abundant

I'm so clever....

My First Meme (don't even know how to pronounce it)

I got tagged for a meme! Wow! I've never felt so....relevant... to the Web! Well, thanks to Lori for this. Lori, I looked for you at Women of Faith (I figured since it was New England, I'd find you as soon as I stepped into the place) but got caught up rockin' to Nicole C. Mullen.

So here are the rules for the meme:
1) Link to the person who tagged me.
2) Mention the rules.
3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.
4) Tag six other blogger´s by linking to them.
5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

My Six Quirky Things?
1. I can't put a book down even if it stinks. I'm not one of those ever sunny optimists until it comes to books. There have been many books that, by the tenth page, I'm thinking, "This person got paid for this?!?" But I read it through to the end because I keep thinking, "Well, maybe it will get better." It usually doesn't.

2. I don't eat any fruit. Unless its apples baked in a pie. Or melon with prociutto.

3. If I'm alone in my car, I like to turn the music up real. Real loud. Like dumb teenager loud.

4. "Clustered" things creep me out. Things like a swarm of bees, lots of ants in one place, a pomegranate interior. Don't ask, I don't understand it either.

5. I love to smell babies' heads. New borns, babies who just took a bath, my kids after playing out side. Now I'm pregnant and I’m excited I get to sniff a newborn again (that earthy smell only lasts a week or so)

6. I don't like the color sea-foam green. I don't think I have repressed bad memories of institutional buildings, but something about the color makes me nauseous. There's a day care near me where the exterior is entirely a heinous shade of sea foam green. To paint a place where children play that color is a grievous sin in my book.

So there it is. When I first started I thought I'd have a difficult time coming up with six. Now that I'm started, I could probably get to 20. Oops...time to eat.

I tag.....
1. Gail
2. Bo Hunkmeister
3. Steve, the only other blogger I know
4. I'd send this to Mary Ellen but she doesn't blog!!

That there Debi Pearl book

So I did it....

After seventeen years of marriage, I finally read Debi Pearl's "Created to Be His Help Meet". You know, that book about which people either think, "This saved my marriage!!" or "This woman is the brainwashed spawn of the enemy!!" Being the consensus building female that I am, I fall somewhere in the middle. Well, actually I'm more towards Debi's side. But with reservations.

Over all, I think there's a lot of good stuff in the book. We wives would all be better off in our marriages if we followed the general idea of what Debi says. That being said, Debi does have a plain spoken (read 'blunt') way about her that, in this day of political correctness, is automatically deemed judgmental. And she has some ideas that might be a little too counter-cultural for some (i.e. heavy emphasis on herbal remedies, self sufficient living, etc). However, I think it’s a shame that people who are turned off to her manner of speaking or some of the ideas contained within her book will dismiss it entirely. Outside of the Bible, I've never read a book thinking, "This must be the inerrant truth on this subject because it's written by [fill in the blank]." I think it's dangerous to read any book with that mindset (well, maybe Thomas Sowell but that's another conversation). I've always kept in mind that the advice contained in a particular book might not work for my situation, or maybe it will, but not at this time. Even books I start off disliking have something that will make me pause and reconsider what I believe. They either strengthen my beliefs or cause me to research further if I've been wrong (which, of course, seldom happens, right Bo?)

Anyway, here's what I found interesting:

1. God created Adam with a job to do which he commenced doing before Eve arrived on the scene. Basically, what I think Debi's saying is that we were created to help our man, not the other way around; Adam's occupation takes precedence over Eve's. That's not to say Adam disregards Eve's wants or desires (an unhappy wife is not a good thing. Ask Bo). But it might not be God's plans for Bo to drop his career because I want to be free to pursue mine. What I'm taking away from this is that I'm to be Bo's helper. I'm not his roommate doing my own thing, but someone actively working to help him do his job.

2. "A good marriage is good because one or both or them have learned to overlook the other's faults, to love the other as he or she is and not to attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance." (p.129) AMEN. Ladies! Stop trying to get him to be Mr. Right and focus on being Mrs. Right! Pray for him and then let God deal with the spouse's short comings (God's better at it anyway).

3. "If you find pleasure in being a source of temptation to men, you are definitely an ungodly woman and are in desperate need of repentance." Whoa. This is what I mean by blunt. So if I wear a tank top, am I in this group of "definitely ungodly"? I understand what Debi says about too many women not understanding the workings of a man's visual stimulation. And I hear all you ladies out there saying, "Well that's the guy's issue. I'm not responsible for their dirty minds." Modesty means different things to different people. But I do think we have a responsibility to help our fellow human with living as best as they can. If I know my friend is on a diet, I'm not going to suggest going to an ice cream shop and say, "Well it's her issue." Although I have to go on a small rant here. TEEN GIRLS: STOP WEARING TANK TOPS TO CHURCH. Ok, I'm done.

4. "Any good woman should be able to fix a screen door." I've heard many a wife complain about how hubby is "just not getting around to fixing x, y or z." Honestly ladies, is it easier to sit around, complain and wait forever for the work to get done by a disgruntled spouse? Or should you use your God-given resourcefulness, get the job done and surprise hubby with one less thing on the "To Do" list? If you have given birth, you are more than capable of getting some handiwork done around the house.

The general idea I take away from this book is to respect your man as a man. Treat him like the blessing from God that he is and he will rise to the expectation. If you keep thinking that you're the one who's OK and you're waiting for him to get his !@#$ together, you'll be waiting a long time.

So, if the whole idea of wifely submission makes you start snarling, don't read this book. If you're down with it and looking to refine your technique, it's worth a read.

Menu Plan Monday

I'm a big fan of menu planning. Even when I'm not disciplined enough to do it all the time, I still proselytize about it. Menu planning makes the grocery shopping easier, the day goes easier, etc. Then I found this blog about menu planning and I had to jump in. If you need menu planning tips or ideas, this is definitely a good source. So here goes my plan for the week. I don't have recipe links because most of the stuff I make up as I go along.

• Monday -Fried Rice
• Tuesday -Cauliflower Soup (Tyler Florence's recipe)
• Wednesday - Spaghetti
• Thursday -Chicken Wraps
• Friday -Salmon
• Saturday -Pork Tacos

My challenges are:

1. I have a big family (seven of us total)
2. There are some picky eaters in the bunch, myself included
3. I've a new desire to stay on budget
4. I'm trying to get more whole grains into our diet and less meat.

Breakfasts alternate between coffee cake, scrambled eggs, baked oatmeal, steel cut oatmeal, muffins and whole wheat pancakes.
I need ideas for good, cheap, easy lunches (am I casking too much?). Mostly it's peanut butter & Fluff sandwiches, hot dogs or mac & cheese. Uh oh..... is that the Bad Mommy Police at the door?






I'm back, it wasn't the police. It was my guilty conscience.

Just Where the !@%$# IS Waldo?

This was the scene this morning on in my living room. Happiness is children reading.

Fight the Frump

I know its kind of a tenuous connection but since we're talking style today, I thought I'd unveil the latest in Homeschool Mom Attire.










No drab black jacket here ladies. Should I get hot pink pants too? Or stay with your basic black? I will need a new pair of kickin' boots, though.

The List Grows

Found another piece of paper on my desk that had some more books on it ~sigh~

45. The 4 Hour Work Week - Timothy Ferris
46. Among Thugs - Bill Buford
47. Heat - Bill Buford
48. The Tin Drum - Gunther Grass
49. On Royalty - Jeremy Paxman
50. A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
51. Piano - James Barron
52. Funny in Farsi - Firoozeh Dumas
53. Rich Dad, Poor Dad - Robert T. Kiyosaki

Oh Yessssssss......

I found this luscious little recipe on one of my favorite blogs The Pioneer Woman. I decided to make it last night for my bible study group. They were so good, Bo Hunkmeister said, "These ought to be called Crack-Overs." Do yourself (and your family, and your neighbors, and your friends) a favor, whip up a batch tonight. It's really easy and they taste
oh.
so.
good.


Apple Dumplings (from Pioneer Woman)
serves 8 or me and Bo alone if we have a decent cup of coffee

2 Granny Smith apples
2 cans crescent rolls
2 sticks butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoons vanilla
cinnamon
1 small can (8 oz.) Mountain Dew

Peel and core apples. Cut apples into 8 slices each. Roll each apple slice in a crescent roll. Place in a 9 x 13 buttered pan. Melt butter, then add sugar and barely stir. Add vanilla, stir, and pour over apples. Pour Mountain Dew around the edges of the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes. Serve with ice cream, and spoon some of the sweet sauces from the pan over the top.

p.s. I copied the photo from Pioneer Woman because you just have to see how lovely these apple bundles of love dumplings are. If I've committed some kind of faux pas, someone please let me know.

My Current List of Things I Want to Read

1.The Natural Child.-Jan Holt
2.Parenting the Strong Willed Child - Rex Forehand, Nicholas Long
3.Between Two worlds-Zainab Salbi
4.What Color is a Conservative? - JC Watts
5. Diamonds, Gold & War (So. Africa) Martin Meredith
6. Trees of Smoke Denis Johnson
7.Reading Lolita in Tehran - Azar Nafisi
8.Dark Star Safari-Paul Theroux
9. Ms. Moffets First Year-Abby Goodnough
10.A Survivor's Guide to High School-Luann Schackelford
11.Dumbing Us Down-John Taylor Gatto
12.The Sisters-Mary Lovell
13. Infidel - Ayaan Hirsi
14.Tending the Heart of Virtue - Vigen Guroian
15.Scratch Beginnings - Adam Shepard
16. Saving Childhood - Michael& Diane Medved
17. Eat The Rich - PJ O'Rourke
18. To Begin the World Anew
19. Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth - Jeffery Satinover
20. Raising a Happy, Unsoiled Child - Burton White
21. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness - Peggy Noonan
22. Motherhood Deferred - Anne Taylor Flemming
23. The Case for Marriage - Linda Waite & Maggie Gallagher
24. It Takes a Parent to Raise a Child - Glen Griffin
25. Kinsey: Crimes & Consequences - Judith Reisman
26. Moral Grandeur & Spiritual Audacity - Abraham Joshua Heschel
27. My Father's Secret War- Lucinda Franks
28. Domestic Tranquility - F. Carolyn Graglia
29. The Divorce Culture - Barbara Dafoe Whitehead
30. The Man Who Would Be King - Ben Macintyre
31. The Princess Bride
32. War Against Schools: Academic Child Abuse - S. Engelmann
33. The Great Mortality-John Kelly
34. The Joy of Being a Woman -lngrid Trobisch
35. 7 Myths of Working Mothers - Suzanne Venker
36. Spin Sisters - Myrna Blyth
37. Parent Survival Guide - Dr Todd Cartmell
38. Blg Fat Cookles-Elinor Klivans
39. Thomas Keller
40. let's eat-beatrice hollyer
41. Eleventh Hour Eleventh Day Eleventh Month-Joseph Persico
42. Bad Childhood Good Life-Laura Schlessinger
43. Not Your Mothers Life-AmyLowe
44. The Innocent Man - John Grisham

This is off my Palm Pilot hence the bad typing. The above list also assumes I don't get my hands on any more NY Times Book Reviews.

Remember Iowa

I have to say that while sitting in my cozy house that I've thought little of all the flooding going on in Iowa. Then I read this post by Darla. It occurred to me the double standard that I've had. Heck, I can remember baking cookies and selling them with my kids to raise some money for the Katrina victims. I don't think I've talked to my kids at all about Iowa. Read Darla's post. If I can find a more direct way to help, then I'll post it. Otherwise, I think the Red Cross might be a good place to start.


I copied these photos from Darla's site with her permission.

Groceries!

Inspired by my friend, Becky, I took pictures of the groceries I bought today. I used to try and do a once a month grocery trip but I'm way too forgetful and impulsive to get by on just one grocery store run per month. So I switched to the weekly plan. My hope dream aspiration goal is to make a weekly menu and JUST BUY GROCERIES FOR THAT MENU (and there was much laughter all across the Web). So here's what happen today:


This is the stuff I need for the weekly menu









This is everything else I bought







Hmmm.... gotta work on that self control thing.....

Wow

My no. 2 daughter got up at 6:30 am this morning (this must be from her father's DNA because I don't get up before 7:30 am unless I'm in labor)

She made me breakfast in bed.









She made her sister breakfast in bed.








Then she fed her three brothers (ages 6, 4 and 2) by herself.
[no photo because I was still in bed eating]



Did I mention she's only 8?

Oh. My.

I know not all pop music is suppose to comment on the human condition. Some of it is meant purely for entertainment (like anything written by Prince). I'm not asking for artists to use the King James Bible for song lyrics, but when I found this song the other day, my jaw dropped. This delicate sonnet is from the Black Eyed Peas, a hip/hop group out of LA.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you

My goodness. And it goes on and on like this. Did they have no other lyrics? I mean, just what greater good would a song like this serve? Can you imagine a member of this group, say Fergie, going to her Grandma's house?

Fergie: "Wassup, Grandma!"
Grandma: "Why hello, my pet, how are you today?"
Fergie: "Just great! I wrote a new song."
Grandma: "Oh you did? Well aren't you the most talented young lady! Tell me sweetie, what is your song about? Do you sing of the magnificence of the world around us?"
Fergie:"Uh...no."
Grandma: "Do you sing of the glorious wonder of true love?"
Fergie: "Nuh uh."
Grandma: "Do you sing of the frailty of human nature?"
Fergie: "Naaah"
Grandma: "To bring awareness to the suffering of others?"
Fergie: "Nope"
Grandma: "Well, poppet, tell your grandma just what you're singing about?"
Fergie: "My hump."
Grandma: "I beg your pardon?"
Fergie: "My hump."
Grandma: "Say again sweetie? Grandma's hearing is not what it used to be."
Fergie: "My hump, Grandma. And my lady lumps."
Grandma: "Oh dear..."
Fergie: "And about how men will buy me with things that smack of materialism so I will feign a relationship with them which in truth, only feeds their superficial physical needs. Temporarily."
Grandma: "I see....Ooo! Is that your Grandfather calling me? I'm sorry my tart..um dear, I really must go now."

Yes sir folks, the world's goin' to heck in a Birkin handbag.

My Girl

This is my daughter. Today, she turns 11. Happy Birthday Sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of the way you are growing up.










Yesterday she was like this.









A couple of days before that she was like this.






~sigh~

A Fix

World Magazine just came out with its 2008 book issue. This is the issue where they review a whole boat load of books. For a book addict like me, this is crack. If anyone needs me, and I mean critical emergencies only, I'll be in the basement, reading. Just send down a latte ever four hours. No, make that three hours.

It's That Time of Year Again

It's time for the local library's summer reading program.  This means the kids will be getting gift certificates to Home Town Buffet. Ok....be strong....don't cave to temptation....

A Day in the Life of Baby

This was Baby at 11:00 this morning.


He must have had a late night because he never falls asleep at this hour, much less on my lap.

Then he woke up, and got a hold of my drink.

Notice the empty bottle (it was half full when I left it).
Notice the variety of Vitamin Water that it is (revive?!?)

This was Baby 10 minutes ago
He got into my pantry, pulled out the vacuum cleaner, plugged it in and started cleaning.
And then this.

Ok, I put him up to the dish washing, but I do have a bathroom that needs cleaning...

Those Funny Russians

What happens after one too many vodkas....

I Can Dream, Can't I?

It's 70 degrees here in Lil' Rhody. There are fluffy white clouds in the beautiful blue sky so I said to myself, "We need to be outside!" And I thought, it's been at least a year since we've been on a picnic so I told the kids, "Let's go to the park!" There's a large and lovely playground near us that's in a very nice park with plenty of grassy areas perfect for a picnic on a beautiful day. I threw some sandwich fixin's in a bag and off we went, smiles on our faces.

Visions of my lovely picnic with my charming kids came crashing down when the reality of my situation hit. I have boys. Three little boys. Now my boys, alone, individually, are wonderful, sweet and charming (ok, I'm exaggerating a bit with Baby). Together however, they are more rambunctious than chihuahuas on speed.

After climbing and touching everything that could be climbed and touched and terrorizing every other kid at the playground, we went to our picnic area so I could make lunch start my non-stop litany of
don'tthrowthatstonedon'tthowthatstickwhere'syourbrotherdon'tthrowthatdirteither
~quick breath~
leavethesquirrelalonewhere'syourbrotherstoprollingaroundinthemudgetoutoftheparkinglot
~hurry make sandwich ~ whereisyourbrotherIsaidputthatstickdowncomeherecomehereCOMEHERE!

Now we are home, the little boys are napping, and I'm exhausted. And I remember why it's been a year since our last picnic.

I Wanted to Eat My Flesh

In honor of Lori's post about awkward meals the other day, I want to make her feel better by sharing a dinner party experience I had.

When we were first married, my husband and I went to a small church in Dartmouth, MA (well, most churches in New England are small). I guess we looked like lost puppies because one Easter, this family took pity on us and invited us over to their house for Easter dinner that evening. The next year, I decided I was going to return the favor by inviting them to our house for Easter dinner. I don't know what possessed me to make lasagne for Easter dinner. Anyway, I thought I was being real clever by making the lasagne the Saturday night before and putting it in the refrigerator. I figured that way, as soon as we returned from church, I would just pop that baby in the oven, and we'd have a nice hot meal in no time. Did I mention that we lived 30 minutes from the church? This might not mean too much to most of you, but for you New Englanders out there, you're thinking, "Why did you attend a church soooo far away?"

So this lovely family follows us home from church, I put the cold lasagne in the oven and we sit at my kitchen table and wait. And wait. And wait. Did I mention that I didn't make any appetizers? When we were nearing the 1 hour mark and the lasagne was still cold, I found a half eaten bag of tortilla chips in my pantry. No dip, no salsa, just plain chips. Finally, about two hours after we got home, and about five hours since anyone had a decent meal, the lasagne was hot. And like a good hostess, I forgot to make a salad or any other side to go with this meal (that was sarcasm). Having barely avoided starvation, we finally ate the lasagne. Suffice to say, it was quite an uncomfortable dinner party for all. But God has a sense of humor. I know this because the family's name was Donner.

How Sweet is That?

Nothing warms my heart like seeing my little baby try to be like his daddy.

Yes, that is a basket on Baby's head.

Week End Fun

I am your average housewife. I am mother to five children whom I home school. I like to make sure a hot dinner is ready when my husband gets home from work. Because I like to support him in his endeavors, I took our children to an event at our church that he helped organize. It's called GearFest. It's an annual Father's Day event where all sorts of cars, truck, motorcycles and heavy equipment are bought in for dads and kids to climb on, look at, explore, etc. I was walking around, keeping an eye on my kids, admiring my husband's accomplishments when I saw my friend's car. A BMW M Convertible Roadster. "Would you like to drive it?" he said. "Sure," I thought, "it'd be fun." So me and my 10 year old got in. We buckled up and started the engine and...Oooo. Mild mannered housewife no more. I was in control of six cylinders of automotive love. Yeah baby. I went out on the road and opened that bad boy up. After tearing up the back roads a bit, we returned to the event, I parked the car, gathered my children. And SMILED.

Help!

Normally on Frump Free Fridays, I am throwing my two cents out there regarding frump fighting but today, I lay myself bare friends. Be gentle. This time, I am asking for help. ~Bo Hunkmeister looks shocked~ It's about my hair.





This is Me.

This is MyHair.















MyHair, at times, seems like a 6th child (high maintenance, can be fussy, gets in my way a lot, etc.). I have a love/hate relationship with MyHair. Bo Hunkmeister likes it. A lot. So I like it too. Yet, I don't like MyHair because it takes a good two hours to dry. MyHair is a pain to deal with during the heat of summer. MyHair gets in my face. If I pull it back so it doesn't get in my face, I get the halo of frizzies. And I won't even start on the rant about static during the winter.

My biggest issue though with MyHair, is that I've been wearing it in the same frumpy way since, oh high school. For example:

















And these photos are from the past six months. There are many, many more like 'em.





Sometime, when it's too hot I put it up like this:











But that's the extent of my hair creativity. So what I need from you, my internet friends, is suggestions for change. Keep in mind, I have five active children all under the age of 10 so I need something very low maintenance. Did you get that? Very Low Maintenance. And nothing too drastic (a la Posh Spice) because I don't want Bo Hunkmeister to be mournful for weeks on end. I'm looking forward to your creative comments and extend a heartfelt advance thank you to my frump fighting sisters.

(By the way, the photos of me and MyHair were taken by my 10 year old daughter. She took some really good photos on our RV trip. If anyone is looking for a wedding photographer on the cheap, give me a call.)

Bo Hunkmeister Found This For Me

Is it me or what? This is why I love Bo.

A Solution for Us Common Folk

I know many of you, since reading my Posh Spice post, have been wondering, "How much time does the Domestic Goddess have on her hands?" or "Who's watching her darling babies while she trolls the web?" or "Where can I get my hands on an overpriced, bulky Birkin Bag?" Well, I have the answer for that last question. You can rent, yes rent, your very own Birkin bag from Bag, Borrow or Steal. If you're fashion conscious but budget minded, you can rent instead of owning. For only $1,632 a week. Why that's just $233 a day! Less than $10 an hour! And to think I was going to sell off a few of my kiddies so I could buy a Birkin like Posh...

Paris Hilton and the End Times

Some people see certain world events as signs that the end times are near. Events such as war, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. I see things like "Paris Hilton's My New BFF (Best Friends Forever)" and I know for certain God is in heaven saying, "I have had it with the lack of imagination! And people prostituting themselves for five minutes of notoriety! Call out the hell fire and brimstone!" Ok, enough blaspheming.

It has come to my attention that MTV, that bastion of quality broadcasting, has a new show in which 20 or so young people "compete" to be Paris Hilton's new best friend. Initially, I was just going to unleash the snarky hounds of hell and mock Paris and all that she is, but I thought, that's not what a nice Domestic Goddess would do. Then, as I cleaned up the pancake syrup that my son spilled all over the floor, wall and table, it occurred to me that I have a few qualities that might make me a perfect BFF for my home girl Paris.

1. I already own a pair of Manolo Blahniks (got 'em at Savers for $6.00!)
2. I've been to Paris, as in France
3. I have a cute entourage, my kids. This is valuable on a couple of levels; it’s always good to look like you have lots of friends; with my kiddos, there's always adventure and when you get into that next media hot spot for a poorly made video, ask any politician, a photo op with a bunch of cute kids does wonders.
4. I brine my chicken. No really, Paris, you have no idea how important this is.
5. I love sushi
6. I'm use to being up at 3:00 am with whiney kids
7. I already have a terribly sexy hubby, so I won't be stealing your boyfriend ('cause, you know, like everyone knows men find petite middle aged women with five kids hawt!)

So Paris, girlfriend, give me a call!

Keepin' It Real

Baby has a tendency to get into a lot of things. I mean, a lot. I mean if something is broken or missing, you can count on it being Baby's fault.
We're trying to toilet train Baby today. Which means, while he started the day in a t-shirt and underpants, he is now buck naked. So I hear Baby fussing in the bathroom. "Ooo!" I say to myself, "Maybe he's trying to go on the potty and he needs his mother's help!" I go in to find Baby has gotten into my supply of sanitary products and is now trying to get the adhesive pad off of his little boy parts. Being the mom that I am, I blog about it.

You know who I've been thinking about lately?

Posh Spice.

Yes, I know, it makes no sense to me either. And don't send comments about how "she might be famous but you're far more blessed." This I know. Truly. But I have to admit, I like how she's so put together every time she's seen. I'd like to spend a day in her glamazon shoes with her wardrobe. She can keep the gi-huge-ic sunglasses though. Did I mention the shoes?

I like the fact that she's been married since 1997. In La La Land, that's a looooonnnngg time. She's also got three kids and they haven't been taken from her yet. That's another major accomplishment in La La Land (my source: People Magazine On-Line - the common man's Wikipedia). You know, she dated Corey Haim in 1995. I wonder if he lies awake at night thinking, "I should have never told her her thighs were fat."

I know she looks like a Barbie doll but if I looked like that after birthin' three kids, I'd probably flaunt it too. Yes, I also know she's had "work" done. As Amy from Milkbreath & Margaritas said, "Her boobs are younger than most of the rest of her body and just a tad out of proportion to her size, which is minus 2."

Much has been said about her constant pout. I think that's part of the branding. If I had 250+ pictures of me on People.com, I think I'd be pouty too.

Supposedly she's got 100 of these Hermes Birkin bags. They start at $4,000. I don't understand. Someone please enlighten me. I know they're hand made but unless they come with a gold bar in the bottom, I fail to see the justification for the price. I'm not sure why a petite person like Posh carries such big bags. It's not like she has to lug around diapers and wipes. On the other hand, she has three boys and boys can get messy, so maybe she needs a big bag for the change of clothes?

Next post I'll try to write about something more relevant. Like why I'm considering changing my name to Domestic Spice.

~Sigh~

To my adoring fans -all six of you- I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while.

I've been...sad



So......sad



"Why are you sad?" the adoring public asks, "When you have a hunky husband, five cuter than all git-out kiddies and a level of fabulosity few have met? (yep, still off the meds)"

Because I'm suffering from....

PAFRVTSD Syndrome

(Post Awfully Fun RV Trip Syndrome Disorder)

"Gasp! What is this horrible affliction?" you ask.

It's what happens when you have a fun time on the road doing nothing but watching the scenery go by, drinking frappuccinos, eating beef jerky and then suddenly you're back home having to do school work, laundry and telling the kids for the umpteenth time that they cannot watch a video.


~sigh~


No really, I'll be fine.

It's ok.

I'll find something to write about soon.

I think.


~long sigh~


(read about the trip here)

Where Is the Domestic Goddess?

Here!

Why I Love Savers Thrift Store

Velvet jacket with gold sequin detailing: $3.99






Red corset: $6.99







Knee high leather boots with silver buckle: $9.99








Kickin' pirate outfit for the next homeschooling conference:


Priceless




Still Fightin' the Frump with Fussy

Yeeeaaahh Baby

Is this how rock stars start?

Mother's Day, part III

I got bling for Mother's Day. Here's some pictures Princess Buttercup took of me, stylin'










On the way back from church, I turned up the dance music a little too loud in the car. When some of the kiddos complained, Bo Hunkmeister asked incredulously, "With googlie eye earrings, how can you not get your freak on?" This is why I love him.

Mother's Day, part II

After having a wonderful breakfast in bed, served by the more wonderful Bo Hunkmeister, the children gathered to give me their Mother's Day presents.

My eldest boy: "Open the card first Mom."
Me: "Okay, son"
My eldest boy: "It's the thing sticking our of the bag, Mom."
Me: "Okay, son"
My eldest boy: "Right there on the side of the bag, Mom."
Me: "Okay, son" (did I mention the bag is only 5"x3"?)
Me: "I see the card, dear."

Princess Buttercup: "My gift is I want to take you out to lunch, Mom."
Me: "That's very sweet of you dear, but aren't you trying to save up for sports camp?"
Princess Buttercup: "Mother's Day is more important than sports camp, Mom."
Me: ~sniffle, sniffle, lump in throat~ "How very kind of you, but I'm just happy that you've managed to save up $26. When I was your age I was lucky if I managed to save a dollar."
Princess Buttercup: "Well, a dollar bought a lot more when you were a kid."
Me: "I'm not that old, darling."

Linky Link!

I initially was going to blog about our upcoming road trip here on the Domestic Goddess. I had visions of posting witty and clever things every day, making profound statements and astute observations about our wonderful country, parlaying that into a book deal and then a movie starring Brad and Angie as me and the hubs; more likely Mel Gibson and Phyllis Diller, but I digress.

Anyway, the ever talented Bo Hunkmeister has created a site for our road trip, so me, Bo and perhaps even a kiddo or two (or three or four) will all blog so you can enjoy our trip from a few different perspectives (Bo: This is great, what an adventure! Me: Where the heck is the Dunkin' Donuts?!?). So instead of coming here for your daily dose of Domestic Goddess snarkiness, go here: The Kerr Family Road Trip. Any publishing reps or movie executives can contact me through this site or the other one. Start microwavin' the popcorn!

Mother's Day

Its that time of year again! That wonderful day when we moms can say, "I ain't doin' nuthin' today!"
In case you're at a loss as to what to get me, I've compiled a handy gift list for you.


1.) A Segway. Yeah, I know they're expensive but I rode one of these in North Carolina and they are FUN! Wicked fun as they say here in New England. If I can get the manufacturer to attach a vacuum cleaner accessory to it, my house would be cleaned on a daily basis rather... than....once... every three.....months....


2.) A Self Cleaning Kitchen Floor. This is in case the Segway doesn't work out. I need something or someone to deal with the near constant crumbs/dirt/cereal/small children that litter my kitchen floor. Don't tell me to get a Roomba. The amount of stuff on our floor would choke that poor little machine.

3.) A Micro Chip Sensor for Hand Lotion Pumps. This sensor will disable the pump from dispensing large amounts of whatever, whenever Baby touches it.

4.) A Decaf Caramel Latte. Every Day. Iced in the summer, please.

5.) A Personal Servant. Bo Hunkmeister, while being a great husband, has informed me that his boss will not pay him to be my personal cabana boy. In light of this unfortunate piece of information, I want the Honda Asimo personal robot.

"This way for your massage, oh Domestic Goddess"

6.) Two Extra Hours in My Day. I know that this is the one thing everyone wants but I'm really behind in my reading list of 50 or so books and I want to catch up before any more are published.

7.) A Dinner-ator. This handy device will assemble all the ingredients necessary for a delicious, healthy dinner and then gently beep at 5:00 pm to remind me to put it all together. All for less than $5.00 a night.

Well I think that's a good start. Let me know if you have questions.

Taking to the Road

Things here are buzzing at Casa Diva. In two weeks time, we are taking off on a road trip to Oklahoma in a RV and we're all quite excited. Part of this trip is a desire to visit some relatives and being unable to fly seven of us out there (and no, the post office won't take the kids parcel post, but thanks for asking). The other reason is fulfilling part of the Bo Hunkmeister's dream of touring the U.S. in an RV. I think it makes a marriage stronger when the spouses can help each other to pursue their dreams. Wait 'til Bo finds out my dreams - here's a hint: lattes, books and foot rubs!

Anyway, preparing for such an undertaking takes a lot more planning than I thought. After all, I'll have five kids locked in a 6'x12' space for six hours a day. I've planned out meals and snacks, Bo has planned the stops and I've started to gather toys, books, treats, etc. Then I started thinking, just how much entertainment am I responsible for? I'm afraid my kids have gotten a little too dependent on someone entertaining them. I know this is happening because I get more "I'm bored" or "can I play a video game?" than not.

I'm going to try to write a daily log of our trip here. I'm doing this to keep the relatives informed ("Yes officer, we last heard from them here.") and to make the rest of you grateful you're not as insane as me. Or maybe not.

Should I Be Concerned?

As I was dressing Baby this morning (the morning after the baby powder incident), he stands up, hugs me and pats me on the back.  Then he grabs my head with both hands and plants a kiss straight on my lips.  At first I thought, "How cute!"  Then I realized that Baby just acted out the scene where Michael Corleone kisses Fredo before he has Fredo whacked.  Hmmmmm..... Thankfully, I don't own any horses.

SOMEONE IS NOT PRAYING

Bo Hunkmeister is away this weekend doing piratey things. Now I'm not one to fuss and whine about the hubby going off and leaving me to care for the kiddies by myself. After all, I birthed five of 'em, two via section, so I think I can handle the little critters. But its always wise to make sure the Big Guy upstairs has got your back so I asked my bible study group to keep me in their prayers this weekend. OBVIOUSLY, someone is not cooperating.

This morning, I asked the kiddos to keep an eye on baby while I made some cookies. I didn't want to just turn on the TV because good mommies don't just deposit their kids in front of the electronic baby sitter. That just rots their minds, right?

So, Princess Git Er Done had the great idea of putting Baby in his room and shutting the door (all praises to God that Baby has not learned to work a door knob....yet). Apparently, this did not please Baby. NOT FIVE MINUTES LATER, Princess G.E.D. checked on Baby and this is what she found.

Note the clothes strewn on the floor. Note the window shade pulled down on the bed. And that's not some Martha Stewart like fancy wall treatment, that's baby powder.

Note the open drawers. They used to be full of clothes (I believe the clothes on the floor in the above picture). Note how Baby evenly spread the powder on top of the dresser (boy got skills).

Note the abstract art on the walls. Yes, you guessed it, Baby got up on top of the dresser to spread powder on the walls.

Now some of you will remember that my girls did something similar when they were four and two. Realize that Baby did more damage by himself and in less time. When we first walked into the room, the air was so thick with baby powder that me and the remaining four kids could not breathe. But Baby was still dancing. This only proves my point that this kid is an alien.

Princess Buttercup, ever the optimist, tried to put a good spin on things (or get her Mom to stop muttering bad words under her breath) and said, "Well, he certainly keeps us on our toes doesn't he?" I replied, "Yes, he does." I was thinking, "My toes are !@#$% sore!!!"

But I still praise God because I had my other four who worked diligently with me for more than an hour to get the room clean. And nap time is in less than an hour. And I know someone out there will buy me a margarita, right?

Now excuse me, I'm going to turn on the TV and rot Baby's brain because there's a pint of Haagen Dazs in the freezer right now with my name on it.

Arrrgh!! Pirates!

Be sure to check out the piratey happenings at Smith's Castle this weekend. The activities are Saturday and Sunday from noon to 4:00 pm. The rest of the time, the guys just shoot things.

Here's Bo Hunkmeister, pirate-style ~swoon~

Fighting the Homeschool Frump

Last weekend, Bo Hunkmeister and I went to a regional home schooling conference. I decided to have some fun with the stereo-type that all of us home schooling mommies run around in denim jumpers. So I wore my pleather pants. FYI - pleather is leather for those of us on a budget.
As an added incentive, there was a bet with a friend that if I wore them, I'd get a latte. I love caramel lattes. And my birthday is in May. (that's a hint to all you folks reading early in the morning!)

So here's a picture of me at the conference. I'm posing with my fellow attendee and Home Schooling Mom Extraordinaire Maria (holla back girl!). The reason I have the conference brochure in front of me is for proof that I was IN the conference and not just taking a picture at some random gathering. It was a bit difficult finding a shirt that made sense with the pants but didn't make me look tarty. I was willing to go up against some stereotypes however I didn't want to give those wonderful Mennonite folks a reason to pray too fervently. While hard to see, I had some lovely earrings to go with the outfit courtesy of Mrs. Fusspants. I'd like to say it was a coincidence that I won them just before the conference but I don't believe in coincidences. Is it blasphemous to think God condoned me wearing pleather? Of course what tied the whole thing together was the shoes. (You rock, Joy!)

However, while stylish, I have to say that, in hind sight, the denim jumper does makes sense for the following reasons:
1. it's comfy - after all, you're not wearing pants
2. it doesn't wrinkle - linen is stylish but the look is ruined the first time you sit down
3. it's eminently washable - those margarita stains come out after one wash!

In closing, I'd like to say home schooling is no longer just for crazed religious zealots any more and to those of you who owe me a latte (and you know who you are) pay up!

I am a Victim

I'm such a marketing victim.

Those suits on Madison Avenue (is that term still used?) must have chumps like me in mind when they create an ad campaign. For example, the movie Iron Man is opening soon so of course, Burger King has the merchandise tie in.

Now I like Iron Man. Besides a cool Ozzy Osborne song (are you shocked I know that?), I have fond memories of my brother trying to re-create the Iron Man costume for Halloween (sorry I had to out you there, Ken) (can you tell I love parentheses?) (it's because I have too much to say).

So here we are in Burger King and they have the happy meal display. I normally don't do happy meals because the frugal, homeschooling mother of five that I am, I am certain I can come out ahead if I order separate items and have the kiddies drink milk at home. But I see the Iron Man stuff. Action Figures! Sun Glasses! We're going on a road trip soon, we need cool new toys! Sunglasses, too! So I order five happy meals. And I end up with five cheap, lead infused pieces of plastic from China that lose their appeal in about two minutes ~sigh~

When will I learn?

A Lovely Day at the Park

Like a good mommy, I gathered up the kiddos and took them to the local park to play. My two daughters and my son got on this jungle gym in the shape of a truck. Number two daughter put herself in the driver's seat with my son next to her and yelled across the park to me, "Hey Mom, get in the truck, we need a load!" Kids....aren't they cute?

Stylin' in Roe Die-lin'

As I have mentioned, I have been lately spending waaaay too much time at Mrs. Fussypant's blog (Mom? Can we eat today? Mom? Baby's playing with knives again! Mom? You haven't moved from in front of the computer for three hours!) I entered the blog's Caption Contest and won a lovely pair of earring made by Mrs. Fussypants herself!

Do I look lovely or what? Not only do they look beautiful but they will go with the leather pants I was going to wear to the homeschooling conference in 2 weeks. All I need are some shoes. Any suggestions? They must be comfortable to walk around ALL DAY in. Don't suggest high heels of any sort because, after five kids, I'm done being a fashion victim. If you want a pair of equally fashionable earrings go here.


Honestly Fussy, not fuh nuthin', at a RISD Art Sale, these babies could go for $40. Easy.

By the way, taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror is a lot harder than you think. Hubby had to take these for me. Please congratulate me on not resorting to Photoshop to take out the blemishes (my souvenir of a case of shingles).

Fight the Frump From Within

My dear friend Gail recently turned me onto a great blog "Mrs. Fussypants Guide to Life" which I have been reading diligently. If only I could apply that diligence to say...schooling the kids.....eating right....exercising....silly things like that. But I digress...

Anyway, Fussy has a great Friday feature called "Fight the Frump" and I couldn’t agree with her more. Just because you had only four hours of sleep, the baby is fussy and you have constant schmutz on you, that doesn't mean you shouldn't look your best. Studies have shown that (don't you just love that phrase? what study? by who? when?) when you dress well, you feel better about yourself and what mom doesn't want to feel better about herself?

Just like the saying 'Beauty comes from within', so does frumpiness. That's right ladies, I'm talking about your unmentionables, your support system, your undies!

At this point, I'm going to ask all men and people related to me to find another blog lest I embarrass them or me.

Now where was I? Oh yes. Honey, if you're wearing the underpants that go up to your ribs (something that big can't possibly be called panties) and a bra with more fabric than the shirt you have on, you're going to feel frumpy. If you have something pretty and lacey underneath, you'll feel pretty, and some of that countenance will be evident even when cleaning up the juice spills. You need to get yourself something that's relatively new, perhaps with some color and definitely with elastic that works! Now I'm not saying you have to go to Victoria's Secret and drop loads of cash for...well...what amounts to 12" of very thin ribbon. But get something you can afford that you can look at and say "Gee, that's pretty!" versus "Hey, it's on sale!" Start being stylish from the get-go 'cause girlfriend, you are worth it!