My First Midwife Visit

I knew being pregnant would provide lots of blog fodder.

I am expecting our sixth child. I mention this (again) to help the reality sink in for me so that you, gentle reader, will understand when I say I have experience peeing into small cups. Quick mental math (pregnant woman doing quick mental math-bwahhahaha!!) makes it 65 times, minimum, that I have hit the target. That's not including those pregnancy test sticks either.

Why am I blogging about this? Because like senior citizens, we pregnant ladies have the hormonal need to share our body functions. Mostly to mourn that our bodies are no longer under our control. If you're grossed out by any of this or think that this is more than you need to know about me, go here now.

Anyway, here I am at my first midwife visit with said familiar cup in hand. Walking into a bathroom with my hands full yet needing to turn on the light, my first thought is to hold the cup in my mouth to free up one hand. My second thought is that the nurse would probably get sick at the sight of lip marks on a urine sample cup.

So here I am aiming and doing my thing. But I need to know if I'm filling it up properly. Is there enough of a sample? Should I do more? And...oh man, I drop the cup! What do I do? Reach in and get the cup? But there's now nothing in it. And with my drawers around my ankles, can I reach the stack of new cups without making a mess? Do I have it in me to give another sample? Arrrrggghhh!

All this aggravation so the nurse could perform pregnancy test. WHAT?!? I've got two sticks at home I could have showed you!

Can't wait to see what fun the next visit has in store for me.