That there Debi Pearl book, part II

My Dear R,

Your father has bought to my attention that my recent post about Debi Pearl has caused you some concern. So I am writing that I may put some of those concerns to rest and restore my status in your eyes as "Most Favored Auntie".

My ideas about "submission" have been rolling around my head for the past 17 years; being thought out, read about, discussed and re-thought out as I finish each year of marriage. So my idea of submission to my husband is not the typical one embraced by our society (meaning being a door mat). My ideas about submission are as follows:

First and foremost I believe God created man and woman on equal footing. It says so right in Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." It doesn't say God created man and then man needed a lackey so God created a woman. However, to me, "equal" doesn't mean "same", it means "of equal value." If given the choice between living without my hand or my foot, that would be hard. They're different, performing different functions but I really couldn't say one is more valuable than the other, now could I? I want them both, and working together they can accomplish many things.

Now, while of same importance, I believe men and women have different functions and purposes. If the world thought/acted entirely like women, there would be lots of talking, but probably little decided. If the world thought/acted entirely like men, we'd probably have lots of activity, but we're not sure to what purpose. I think our society often thinks equal means same and therefore we women tend to think men think/act/feel like us. Let me tell you something sister, they don't! Women tend to value connection and relationships, men tend to value respect and honor. Women can connect emotions with an event more readily than men can. So one idea of submission means to respect your husband as the man he is. Don't try to treat him like he's another one of your girlfriends. Look to what he values and try to meet those needs.

My second idea regarding submission relates to the leader of a house. A lot of people say that their marriage is completely equal, everything that needs to get done for the family, all decisions made are done 50/50. If that works for other folks, that's fine. However, I think that, like a corporation, there needs to be one final person who says, "The buck stops here." (bonus points - which US president had that quote on their desk?) There needs to be that one spokes person for the family. Knowing my skill set, I think that position in my family is best filled by your uncle, Bo Hunkmeister. However, realize that any good leader worth his salt, before taking action, will seriously consider the wise counsel of his wife and trusted friends around him. And any leader worth his salt leads by example.

My third idea is that submission is only to your husband. So if some other guy thinks women should not have a job outside of the house, that's fine for him but you don't have to abide by that. Nowhere in the Bible does God call for women submitting to any other man's authority but their husband's. If you want a career, then go get one girl! But it is then incumbent (look the word up) upon you, dear R, with the wise input of your parents who know you and love you, to find the man who shares your values, who recognizes the talents God has given you and who desires to see you grow as a person. Now, if in a fit of romantic insanity, you marry some selfish knob who thinks women should stay at home barefoot and pregnant (and I am currently wearing shoes, so rest your worried mind), then you unfortunately will have a difficult time submitting to your husband as he will probably expect things of you that you will not agree with.

And God needs female leaders. Look up Esther, or Deborah, or Abigail, or Jael. Or your church's associate pastor, or Condoleeza Rice, or Beth Moore. But your career choice should be something you and your husband both can agree on. And just because you don't have a career outside of your house doesn't mean you're not doing something important either. 2 Timothy 1:5 says "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." So who influenced Timothy's faith the most? Grandma and Mom. And Billy Graham couldn't have done what he did without Ruth behind him. Charles and John Wesley would have been nothing without their mother's guidance.

So as you can see, I'm not advocating that you submit to your husband like some crazed Jonas Brothers groupie or a cult member. Just that a little respect for the husband in your life will go a long way towards having the happy marriage you want.

If you want the full sermon and teaching video, send Auntie a check for $29.95.

Love Always,
Auntie Domestic Goddess