The Ultimate Survivor

The other day I got an email which described a new episode of Survivor. The contestants are dads who would be left on an island with three kids each. The email goes on about how each dad has to do what mom does in a day and basically implies that the dads would barely survive. Now I don't mean to be a party pooper here, but suppose a man had sent an email like that to his friends?

New Episode of Survivor! Each wife is to go to her husband's office. She is to accurately assess which clients need extra hand holding and which clients don't want to be bothered. The wife is to get three projects and two proposals done in the time allowed for one while fielding constant interruptions from the office busybody. The wife also has to win that large, complicated job the company needs to make its monthly goals and sit by while a snot nosed co-worker takes the credit. Then field two panicked client calls, one impromptu staff meeting and a sales pitch all between 4:00 and 5:00 pm knowing your spouse needs you home at "five on the dot or else!" to take care of the cranky children.

I'm not saying all is love and roses here a Casa Diva. We have our moments. But really ladies, with a few exception out there, I'm pretty sure any guy who can hold down a full time job and be married to us women can to learn to do our job as well as we can. Notice I said "learn to do our job". Things run smoothly in our house (relatively, and I mean relatively) because I'm here day and day out and familiar with the tasks at hand. If, heaven forbid, I had to go to Paris for a week, there might be some comic moments as Bo stepped in and tried to do my job. But he wouldn't struggle because he's a lunkhead. It's because he's not familiar with the routine I have with the kids. If I was sent to my husband's office for the day, I would totally flounder. Would I be able to design those two sites by tomorrow? Talk to the client about SEO (like I can even guess what that means), deal with the irritated ad agency and explain to the account manager why we can't deliver a "smokin' hot" site for $299.99?

And what the heck is a pixel? Is that Finnish currency? 'Cause I know you're not designing websites with those little people with the wings and magic wands. What's Flash and why is it on it's way out before I've even gotten to know what it is? Java I can do though, I know all about coffee. I can definitely do Java.

Sorry, lost my senses there.

Anyway, the email goes on about how the dad would be hard pressed to know their kids' pediatrician, food issues or favorite whatever. I know we're flabbergasted that our men don't realize little sweetie's new friend is Dora the Explorer, but maybe it's because he's not around the kids 10 hours a day. Maybe he wants to be, but someone has got to earn money. We can't all be mommy bloggers. And maybe that's not how he's wired. It's a proven fact women talk more than men, so of course we know more 'stuff'. Try this experiment. Go call a girlfriend right now, and ask her if she knows your shoe size.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

You're back?

She knew, didn't she? If she didn't, I'll bet you still had a 20 minute conversation about all the other tiny details she knows about you. Now ask the hubby. Did he know your shoe size? He probably doesn't (you're in trouble if he says, "You wear shoes?!?").

But if you want someone to roughhouse with the boys, Dad's your man. If you want someone to cherish your little girl so she has the self worth enough to not marry the first lunkhead that walks by, Dad's your man. Bo might not know everything he should know about the kids, but I know he loves them. And I also know he's the only one who can fix things the way I want them fixed when life goes off the deep end here at Casa Diva.

Here's the bottom line ladies: let's not belittle our husbands, even in jest. The Bible says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." [Proverbs 21:9]  I guess this is serious stuff because it's repeated again in Proverbs 25:24. Seriously. In case you don't put a whole lot of faith in the Bible, scientific studies have shown that 99% of men prefer nails being dragged down a chalkboard than to listen to their wives lecture them about how they don't take care of the kids right.

In the game of Love and War,  play fair ladies. Because honestly, when the barbarians (as cute as they are) are at the gate, you can't afford to alienate your one true ally.