My Life

So I've been told that I should write a book. Is that conceited to say? The first thing I might want to do is stop starting my sentences with 'So,...'

It seems some people think my funny little comments and stories would make good reading material. The issue for me is that there are enough Mommy bloggers out there writing funny stories about the crazy things their kids did or even worse, what chuckleheads their husbands are. When I told that same someone about my book idea for a immigrant's American dream story, she said, after a rather pregnant pause, "Well then write two books and make the first one funny." Oh, the pressure. To be intentionally funny? I mean, I never set out to humor anyone. I'm just sharing what goes on in my life. That it happens to be funny is because it's better than weeping bitterly over the fact that your kid just spread two containers of baby powder all over his room.

When I mentioned this idea of writing a book to Bo Hunkmeister, he said, "Write what you know."

Well this is what I know.


The on going mess that is my kitchen counter. Please disregard the bottle of vodka. I'm using it to make my own pure vanilla extract from vanilla beans. So are you chuckling because I'm insane enough to make extract or because you think I'm actually doing shots during the day?

You know what? Don't answer that.



Gummi. Sweetness personified. But you already know that.



What, doesn't your kid do their school work in black leather gloves?



This is a crushed Cheerio on my floor. One of 1,445,345,345 that get thrown off the high chair by Gummi and stepped on by me every day. No, wait, I'm exaggerating. The correct amount is 1,445,345,330.



Gyoza (Japanese potsitckers) on a plastic plate from a Mexican restaurant. This qualifies as fusion cuisine, right?


But there's nothing wrong with this bathroom, you say. It's because you don't have Smell-O-Vision on your computer and cannot detect the faint odor of pee left by little boys who consistently miss a target that's larger than their heads. Sorry, little venting going on there.

So What do I write about? Do people really want to read...
...about how W. Bear declared himself "Tub Monkey" and told his brothers, "Let's get naked!"
...about the fabulousity of Bo Hunkmeister? Who, to add some reality to this, in all seriousness, just asked me, no word of lie, "If I eat a DumDum lollipop and Smarties, do they cancel each other out?" (a few too many adjective clauses there)
...about my latest attack of Art School-itis which has me looking to recreate Caille en Sarcophage?

I could do opinion pieces, but really, is there really a need for more commentary about...
...the economy?
...politics?
...ID vs. Darwinism?
...the need to remove the words "Cheesy" or "Italiano" from recipe titles?
...the over use of ellipsis in this post?



I need to think about this some more

I need to explore some options

I need some ideas

I need a latte