Where Is the Domestic Goddess?

Here!

Why I Love Savers Thrift Store

Velvet jacket with gold sequin detailing: $3.99






Red corset: $6.99







Knee high leather boots with silver buckle: $9.99








Kickin' pirate outfit for the next homeschooling conference:


Priceless




Still Fightin' the Frump with Fussy

Yeeeaaahh Baby

Is this how rock stars start?

Mother's Day, part III

I got bling for Mother's Day. Here's some pictures Princess Buttercup took of me, stylin'










On the way back from church, I turned up the dance music a little too loud in the car. When some of the kiddos complained, Bo Hunkmeister asked incredulously, "With googlie eye earrings, how can you not get your freak on?" This is why I love him.

Mother's Day, part II

After having a wonderful breakfast in bed, served by the more wonderful Bo Hunkmeister, the children gathered to give me their Mother's Day presents.

My eldest boy: "Open the card first Mom."
Me: "Okay, son"
My eldest boy: "It's the thing sticking our of the bag, Mom."
Me: "Okay, son"
My eldest boy: "Right there on the side of the bag, Mom."
Me: "Okay, son" (did I mention the bag is only 5"x3"?)
Me: "I see the card, dear."

Princess Buttercup: "My gift is I want to take you out to lunch, Mom."
Me: "That's very sweet of you dear, but aren't you trying to save up for sports camp?"
Princess Buttercup: "Mother's Day is more important than sports camp, Mom."
Me: ~sniffle, sniffle, lump in throat~ "How very kind of you, but I'm just happy that you've managed to save up $26. When I was your age I was lucky if I managed to save a dollar."
Princess Buttercup: "Well, a dollar bought a lot more when you were a kid."
Me: "I'm not that old, darling."

Linky Link!

I initially was going to blog about our upcoming road trip here on the Domestic Goddess. I had visions of posting witty and clever things every day, making profound statements and astute observations about our wonderful country, parlaying that into a book deal and then a movie starring Brad and Angie as me and the hubs; more likely Mel Gibson and Phyllis Diller, but I digress.

Anyway, the ever talented Bo Hunkmeister has created a site for our road trip, so me, Bo and perhaps even a kiddo or two (or three or four) will all blog so you can enjoy our trip from a few different perspectives (Bo: This is great, what an adventure! Me: Where the heck is the Dunkin' Donuts?!?). So instead of coming here for your daily dose of Domestic Goddess snarkiness, go here: The Kerr Family Road Trip. Any publishing reps or movie executives can contact me through this site or the other one. Start microwavin' the popcorn!

Mother's Day

Its that time of year again! That wonderful day when we moms can say, "I ain't doin' nuthin' today!"
In case you're at a loss as to what to get me, I've compiled a handy gift list for you.


1.) A Segway. Yeah, I know they're expensive but I rode one of these in North Carolina and they are FUN! Wicked fun as they say here in New England. If I can get the manufacturer to attach a vacuum cleaner accessory to it, my house would be cleaned on a daily basis rather... than....once... every three.....months....


2.) A Self Cleaning Kitchen Floor. This is in case the Segway doesn't work out. I need something or someone to deal with the near constant crumbs/dirt/cereal/small children that litter my kitchen floor. Don't tell me to get a Roomba. The amount of stuff on our floor would choke that poor little machine.

3.) A Micro Chip Sensor for Hand Lotion Pumps. This sensor will disable the pump from dispensing large amounts of whatever, whenever Baby touches it.

4.) A Decaf Caramel Latte. Every Day. Iced in the summer, please.

5.) A Personal Servant. Bo Hunkmeister, while being a great husband, has informed me that his boss will not pay him to be my personal cabana boy. In light of this unfortunate piece of information, I want the Honda Asimo personal robot.

"This way for your massage, oh Domestic Goddess"

6.) Two Extra Hours in My Day. I know that this is the one thing everyone wants but I'm really behind in my reading list of 50 or so books and I want to catch up before any more are published.

7.) A Dinner-ator. This handy device will assemble all the ingredients necessary for a delicious, healthy dinner and then gently beep at 5:00 pm to remind me to put it all together. All for less than $5.00 a night.

Well I think that's a good start. Let me know if you have questions.

Taking to the Road

Things here are buzzing at Casa Diva. In two weeks time, we are taking off on a road trip to Oklahoma in a RV and we're all quite excited. Part of this trip is a desire to visit some relatives and being unable to fly seven of us out there (and no, the post office won't take the kids parcel post, but thanks for asking). The other reason is fulfilling part of the Bo Hunkmeister's dream of touring the U.S. in an RV. I think it makes a marriage stronger when the spouses can help each other to pursue their dreams. Wait 'til Bo finds out my dreams - here's a hint: lattes, books and foot rubs!

Anyway, preparing for such an undertaking takes a lot more planning than I thought. After all, I'll have five kids locked in a 6'x12' space for six hours a day. I've planned out meals and snacks, Bo has planned the stops and I've started to gather toys, books, treats, etc. Then I started thinking, just how much entertainment am I responsible for? I'm afraid my kids have gotten a little too dependent on someone entertaining them. I know this is happening because I get more "I'm bored" or "can I play a video game?" than not.

I'm going to try to write a daily log of our trip here. I'm doing this to keep the relatives informed ("Yes officer, we last heard from them here.") and to make the rest of you grateful you're not as insane as me. Or maybe not.

Should I Be Concerned?

As I was dressing Baby this morning (the morning after the baby powder incident), he stands up, hugs me and pats me on the back.  Then he grabs my head with both hands and plants a kiss straight on my lips.  At first I thought, "How cute!"  Then I realized that Baby just acted out the scene where Michael Corleone kisses Fredo before he has Fredo whacked.  Hmmmmm..... Thankfully, I don't own any horses.

SOMEONE IS NOT PRAYING

Bo Hunkmeister is away this weekend doing piratey things. Now I'm not one to fuss and whine about the hubby going off and leaving me to care for the kiddies by myself. After all, I birthed five of 'em, two via section, so I think I can handle the little critters. But its always wise to make sure the Big Guy upstairs has got your back so I asked my bible study group to keep me in their prayers this weekend. OBVIOUSLY, someone is not cooperating.

This morning, I asked the kiddos to keep an eye on baby while I made some cookies. I didn't want to just turn on the TV because good mommies don't just deposit their kids in front of the electronic baby sitter. That just rots their minds, right?

So, Princess Git Er Done had the great idea of putting Baby in his room and shutting the door (all praises to God that Baby has not learned to work a door knob....yet). Apparently, this did not please Baby. NOT FIVE MINUTES LATER, Princess G.E.D. checked on Baby and this is what she found.

Note the clothes strewn on the floor. Note the window shade pulled down on the bed. And that's not some Martha Stewart like fancy wall treatment, that's baby powder.

Note the open drawers. They used to be full of clothes (I believe the clothes on the floor in the above picture). Note how Baby evenly spread the powder on top of the dresser (boy got skills).

Note the abstract art on the walls. Yes, you guessed it, Baby got up on top of the dresser to spread powder on the walls.

Now some of you will remember that my girls did something similar when they were four and two. Realize that Baby did more damage by himself and in less time. When we first walked into the room, the air was so thick with baby powder that me and the remaining four kids could not breathe. But Baby was still dancing. This only proves my point that this kid is an alien.

Princess Buttercup, ever the optimist, tried to put a good spin on things (or get her Mom to stop muttering bad words under her breath) and said, "Well, he certainly keeps us on our toes doesn't he?" I replied, "Yes, he does." I was thinking, "My toes are !@#$% sore!!!"

But I still praise God because I had my other four who worked diligently with me for more than an hour to get the room clean. And nap time is in less than an hour. And I know someone out there will buy me a margarita, right?

Now excuse me, I'm going to turn on the TV and rot Baby's brain because there's a pint of Haagen Dazs in the freezer right now with my name on it.

Arrrgh!! Pirates!

Be sure to check out the piratey happenings at Smith's Castle this weekend. The activities are Saturday and Sunday from noon to 4:00 pm. The rest of the time, the guys just shoot things.

Here's Bo Hunkmeister, pirate-style ~swoon~

Fighting the Homeschool Frump

Last weekend, Bo Hunkmeister and I went to a regional home schooling conference. I decided to have some fun with the stereo-type that all of us home schooling mommies run around in denim jumpers. So I wore my pleather pants. FYI - pleather is leather for those of us on a budget.
As an added incentive, there was a bet with a friend that if I wore them, I'd get a latte. I love caramel lattes. And my birthday is in May. (that's a hint to all you folks reading early in the morning!)

So here's a picture of me at the conference. I'm posing with my fellow attendee and Home Schooling Mom Extraordinaire Maria (holla back girl!). The reason I have the conference brochure in front of me is for proof that I was IN the conference and not just taking a picture at some random gathering. It was a bit difficult finding a shirt that made sense with the pants but didn't make me look tarty. I was willing to go up against some stereotypes however I didn't want to give those wonderful Mennonite folks a reason to pray too fervently. While hard to see, I had some lovely earrings to go with the outfit courtesy of Mrs. Fusspants. I'd like to say it was a coincidence that I won them just before the conference but I don't believe in coincidences. Is it blasphemous to think God condoned me wearing pleather? Of course what tied the whole thing together was the shoes. (You rock, Joy!)

However, while stylish, I have to say that, in hind sight, the denim jumper does makes sense for the following reasons:
1. it's comfy - after all, you're not wearing pants
2. it doesn't wrinkle - linen is stylish but the look is ruined the first time you sit down
3. it's eminently washable - those margarita stains come out after one wash!

In closing, I'd like to say home schooling is no longer just for crazed religious zealots any more and to those of you who owe me a latte (and you know who you are) pay up!

I am a Victim

I'm such a marketing victim.

Those suits on Madison Avenue (is that term still used?) must have chumps like me in mind when they create an ad campaign. For example, the movie Iron Man is opening soon so of course, Burger King has the merchandise tie in.

Now I like Iron Man. Besides a cool Ozzy Osborne song (are you shocked I know that?), I have fond memories of my brother trying to re-create the Iron Man costume for Halloween (sorry I had to out you there, Ken) (can you tell I love parentheses?) (it's because I have too much to say).

So here we are in Burger King and they have the happy meal display. I normally don't do happy meals because the frugal, homeschooling mother of five that I am, I am certain I can come out ahead if I order separate items and have the kiddies drink milk at home. But I see the Iron Man stuff. Action Figures! Sun Glasses! We're going on a road trip soon, we need cool new toys! Sunglasses, too! So I order five happy meals. And I end up with five cheap, lead infused pieces of plastic from China that lose their appeal in about two minutes ~sigh~

When will I learn?