Happy Mother's Day!! I hope it's as
lovely a day for you as it is for me. In case you haven't planned
ahead for a gift, I have a few modest suggestions.
1. Pantry Diver.
Since I haven't
received my Asimo robot or my organizer monkey, I need a pantry diver.
Someone to dive in and pull out the shortening that's buried beneath
15 other things and then put back everything that fell out so I can
continue with my baking. Also to make sure I use up the first package
of raisins before I buy more since I can't find the second or third
package.
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| I'm going in for the chocolate chips! |
2. National Reading Day.
I've stopped
keeping a list of books I want to read because it's too depressing to
look at the list of 40+ books knowing that even if I really tried, I
can only do a book a week. That means I'm a year behind in my
reading. So I propose a National Reading Day where you're required by
law to put aside all other obligations/responsibilities/etc and spend
the day reading. I'll even make the coffee and oatmeal cookies for
it, you know, to use up all the raisins. I know this idea will probably tank
the economy, but that's a small price to pay for a lovely day of
coffee, cookies and a good book.
3. Ketchup Cap Cleaner.
I don't know
about you but when I have ketchup on the table, it starts off a clean
bottle. By the time it makes the circuit around the table, you'd
think we turned the bottle inside out. Yet said messy bottle inevitably
gets put back in the refrigerator before I see it so when I pull it
out the next time, there's fossilized ketchup around the opening. I'm
sorry if I just ruined your appetite, but I had to confess that one.
4. Project Finisher.
I have since taken
up crocheting in addition to the knitting and sewing I do because I'm
insane and don't know when to stop hurting myself. I think it's a
symptom of my Art-School-Itis. On the road to self
realization, I have also found that while I have skill in creating and
starting a project, my motivation runs out just before the project is
done. As a result, I have, among others, a project in which 86
buttons have to be sewn on, tote bags without handles, and scarves
with yarn dangling off. I need someone to come in and put the
finishing touches on these project yet be ok with me taking all the
credit (you're surprised by this?) Said Project Finisher must also be
able to fetch me more coffee as I start more projects.
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| Please. Make her stop. |
5. Saucifier.
I have previously written
about my recipe issues. A lot of these recipes come with
sauces: lemon taziki? roasted tomato relish? banana mustard? sure,
why not!
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| Yeah, I know this sounds horrific, but the sauce is fantastic! |
Of course, once the main course has been eaten up with ketchup
(see above), there's always sauce left that I just can't bring
myself to throw out. And I can't make a tote bag out of it. But since
the entree on which it's served is gone, there's nothing to eat the
sauce with. So in my refrigerator they sit. And sit. And sit. Someone needs to come in and either transform the sauces
into an edible soup or teach my kids to spread it on their
sandwiches. A peanut butter, Fluff, and Buffalo Ranch sauce sandwich is really not as bad as it sounds. No, really.
So there you have it; a short little list of things I really need. Now get shopping while I start this crochet blanket.
